What I Am
by Subaru-S
Summary: When Inuyasha reminisce his pathetic life...a one-shot fic..more like a poem somehow but please r&r!!


Okay...I know I've been abandoning my one and only other fic but readers who read my fic (I think I cannot call it a community from the amount * sigh*) please don't kill me just yet...  
Right now I'm in a pathetic mood and somehow I...wrote this fic. The words just flowed right through my brain when I think of Inuyasha...well, it actually can be apply to anyone who happens to be in the situation and condition like our dearest hanyou.  
  
And..okay, I won't talk anymore, I know I'm boring but plz plz plz plz at least try to read and review this story.  
I've never written an angst fic before...particularly the pathetic one...  
  
so on with the reading!  
  
  
  
~Subaru-S~  
  
  
Disclaimer: Hmmm...is Inuyasha mine? I think so...o_O?! Uh, well...at least in this fic? Please?  
  
  
  
  
WHAT I AM  
a fic by Subaru-S  
  
  
  
  
  
'I'm a freak.'  
  
I often thought to myself.   
  
  
'I'm different.'  
  
I often considered myself.  
  
  
  
What am I really?   
  
  
Some called me a worthless being, others called me a low and pathetic creature.   
  
That I shouldn't have existed  
  
That I'm not worth to live   
  
That I'm not worth to be loved...  
  
  
  
Some want to kill me, some are scared of me.  
  
I don't belong there  
  
I don't belong anywhere  
  
Wandering alone in my own realm...  
  
  
  
  
"Never mind them."  
  
I often assured myself.  
  
  
"Never take heed of them"  
  
I often reassured myself.  
  
  
  
Why should I care anyway?  
  
  
They don't care about me  
  
They want to kill me  
  
They hate me  
  
  
  
They hate me...  
  
  
Why do those words make me cringe?  
  
Why do those words make me stare in disbelief?  
  
Why am I hurt?  
  
  
  
For God's sake, can anyone tell me why...just why do I feel hurt?  
  
  
  
  
"I've gotten used to it"  
  
I often told myself.  
  
  
"It means nothing."  
  
I often said to myself.  
  
  
  
  
Yet, why do I bite my lips?  
  
Why do close my eyes...preventing tears from falling?  
  
  
Why do I feel so lonely?  
  
  
*  
  
  
Another dawn, another day  
  
Another minute, another time  
  
I continue to live alone  
  
  
  
I never give in  
  
I never break down and cry  
  
  
Yet, I never smile  
  
  
I wonder why I keep on living   
  
Is it because I'm too stubborn to die?  
  
Life means nothing to me  
  
No joy no gain  
  
Full of sorrow and pain  
  
  
Yet, why am I living?  
  
  
  
Everyday wearing my mask  
  
A façade for my pathetic life  
  
A tapestry for my fragile heart  
  
  
Yet, is it me?  
  
Am I what I look like?  
  
Am I what I act like?  
  
  
What am I really?  
  
Who am I?  
  
  
*  
  
  
Thunderstorm struck the earth  
  
It was raining hard  
  
The trees my only shelter  
  
  
I looked up into the darkening sky  
  
  
  
'How like my sickening life.'  
  
I thought over and over again.  
  
  
  
Suddenly I chuckled.  
  
I began to laugh  
  
A forced and bitter laugh   
  
A fake smile  
  
  
  
Suddenly my vision blurred  
  
The rain was falling from my eyes  
  
  
I covered my face with my hand  
  
And I crouched beside the tree  
  
  
And my mask shattered into pieces...  
  
  
*  
  
  
This is me  
  
Can anyone see?  
  
Will anyone see?  
  
  
This is not another mask  
  
To assure myself that I might worth something  
  
  
This is me  
  
What I really am  
  
  
  
What I am.   
  
  
  
Will you see me...?  
  
  
  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
;_; *sob sob* now...that's my new creation with the borrowed name Inuyasha...is Inuyasha really that pathetic?  
Well, my mind told yes...AT LEAST in my state of mood (I can be moody sometimes...)  
anyway, If I'm a situation and condition like this...I must have gone either mentally ill or berserk or probably in another realm by now...but this is Inuyasha we're talking about...  
  
I think that no matter how pathetic and lonely his life is, he will keep on living...until he finally finds someone who can see through him, understand him, and say... "you're not alone". ^-^   
  
Now please review!!!  
  
~Subaru-S~ 


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